Rheagan's Reality Show

Scene:  

The Leatherwood Home - (aka - Leatherwood Land)  6:00 A.M.

Character #1

(Names have been changed to protect the INNOCENT:

 Hey MOM!  ( in a loud husky voice) ...Mom?....MOM?  MOM?!? 

 ( Yes I heard her each time, she gives me an approximate 2 milliseconds to answer her.)   

Character #2:

 ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz SNORT!......SNORT!  Yes, that is him.  He hears nothing.  He sees nothing.  He FEELS nothing.  That, or he is playin' possum....Hmmmmm..)

Character #3:

  "Is it mornin'?" 

( He says with his eyes closed completely.)

  I never even knew he had crept into our bedroom at 3 AM I was later told, to make his self a pallet at the foot of our bed)  

RHEA: 

 "Yes, Character #1 - what do you need?"

Character#1:  

"I need you to sign my assignment sheet"

 ( No, I am not as bad a mother as she makes me out.  I offered to sign everything the night before.  However, it was not convenient for character #1) 

So, I fumble in the dark for a few seconds, trying to locate the writing utensil she could have possibly marred my eye with, and scribble something that I am hoping resembles my intials in the correct block?

Character #1:

  Skipping happily out of our room: "Thanks!" (as loud as she can, awaking #2 out of his slumber.

Character #3:

 (Still teetering between states of consciousness..) "I want breakfast".  

Character#2: (LOUD growl-type yell accompanied by an elbow to my teeth as he stretches.)

ME: 

Thanks.  

I trudge out of the darkness into the light - where I find my 'chipper' morning person - character#1 already fixing herself breakfast - and humming a tune I can only assume is Hannah Montana or High School Musical....both equally annoying to her non-morning person- mother at 6:30.

7:45 A.M. 

I hear a honk in my driveway - apparently my precious character #1 has called her grandfather that lives within close proximity to come and get her, please.  

7:50A.M.

I receive a call from my concerned mother as to why grandad was summoned to pick her up?  Was I feeling well?!  

( Grandad did not mind, of course, however, Landry told them I would not "wake up".  Striking fear in the heart of my concerned mother.  I guess character #1 did not realize I had been up half the night doing one of my very important "PROJECTS"  ( Like the weird urge to clear out my "craft" closet at 2 A.M.? )  I know....I have tried medication...It no work.

7:50 

With character #1 out the door, I begin trying to quickly get character #3 ready for school.  KEY word: TRYING.

Running around in his camo underoos, he is wailing on the mini electric guitar and doing a Gene Simmons imitation with his tongue as he pretends to be the one playing the tune it is doing automatically:  Smoke on The Water....

Me:

"O.K. Gene".....

Character #3

(Doing the tongue thing, still...)

Me:

"Mr Simmons, would you kindly get on your clothes?"

Character #3

"YES MA'AM!"

( As if he were serenading me with a few more guitar licks.)

ME:

Thanks.

Character #3

(As if suddenly realizing it...)

Mom, it is nearly 6:30 O'clock...I am going to be late for school!  We've got to HURRY!

ME:

(Deep sigh.) Is my 4 and 1/2 year old really trying to keep me on schedule? ( I guess I can use all the help I can get.)

Character #3

(Out of the blue, as I am tying his black converse high tops, he begins reciting Dr. Seuss - The "ABC Book" )

"X is very useful if your name is Nixie Knox, it also comes in handy spelling axe and extra FOX!

Me:

(I sit stunned, in silence, thinking to myself....Hmmmm...imagine if I had been reading SCRIPTURES to him?!  A better mother would have him memorizing Psalms...Oh, well, today I am grateful I have a kid who likes to read at ALL!  so, I finish tying his shoe and off we go to the school!

As I drop him off to his teacher and drive off,....

Character #3:

BYE-EEEE MAAA-MAAAAA! I'll see you when you get ba-aaack! I'll MISS YOU!

His teacher smiles and helps him inside. And I want to just bawl.  Even if he does try to keep me on schedule, he has the most precious good bye's.

The part of my day without the offspring - is spent driving around to every stationery, scarpbooking and/or hobby lobby store in Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex because I simply MUST have cute paper on which to print invitations to a dear friend's housewarming. Then it is to every party supply store for robin's egg blue colored cups. 

Then of course, I forgot that I had volunteered spur of the minute to bring dinner to a neighbor having a knee surgery similar to the one I had in '97. Ouch.  Frantic run to grocery store - deciding that the dish I am making for him, sounds like an excellent idea for our supper.  YEAH! I am actually killing two birds with ONE stone.  Usually I just fire buck shot and hope something hits....  

A quick run home to pick up 7 cookie dough orders that Landry had sold to friends and neighbors who so patiently waited a MONTH to get their money's worth.  

Next stop:

Character #3's school

He looks the same as he did this morning, except that new shirt he was wearing is now christened with tempera paint and peanut butter.  I detect the remnants of sugar free chocolate pudding in the corners of his mouth and....is that the smell of play dough? Wow, Pre-K is rough on a guy.

We run through a nearby SONIC to get a refreshment as we kill some time before getting Character #1.  He tells me he got in trouble for talking at school, but it was o.k, now cuz he sat out at recess for 5 minutes.  I give him some motherly advice about not talking while others are, and signalling to me that he heard, he gave me a kiss on the hand.  ( Funny ho he always does that when he is in trouble?....Who cares - its sweet.)

I turn on the ignition again and we are off to get character #1.

As we pick her up, I hear about the daily dramas occurring at her school.  Apparently some boys at school told her she looked like a boy and laughed like a boy.  Of course my motherly instinct wanted to say something not very Christ-like about these young "men", however, I said what I always say when she seems to be begging for my opinion.  "What do you think The Lord thinks about your laugh, character #1?  He created it!"  And furthermore, do YOU like it?  She always comes back to her senses and realizes that she is just as I see her - precious.  So, who needs smelly old boys, anyway?  ( I just thank the lord she has no interest in 'boyfriends' as many of her fellow female class mates, do....And they even keep it from their mothers! Oh!  The HORROR of it all...!) Drama, drama, drama....

The rest of my day is a race to see who can get into bed first.  

Do homework.

Practice writing character #3's name - all three of them 1st, middle and last

Piano practice

Make dinner

dole out medicine - I wish it included a little tranquilizer for me...

Baths - (all except me. - - I still stink. -  may even still have sugar free chocolate pudding in the corners of MY mouth?)

Brush teeth.

BED TIME!  YEAH!

Actually, this is one of the sweetest moments of the day if we time it right.  We have made it a habit - rather our mission to pray and read to the kiddos every night.  I am sure we have missed a few times, but they remain staples in our kids' nighttime routines.  

 Character #3

chooses his favorite book and we read.  Then, as is customary for THIS character, he says his prayers all by himself, kisses me on the nose and covers his head with the covers.  ( Much like character #2) 

SPEAKING of CHARACTER #2...

We welcome character #2 at anytime in this show, however, sometimes he simply makes a cameo in the wee hours of the night and, or morning.   We keep hoping he will sign on for a recurring role again SOON!  :0)We especially love it when he can play the part of Dad and Husband every now and again.  He is up for an Emmy in both categories. We're pretty proud of him.

As for me - 

If I keep my running shoes on and hurry fast enough, I can actually have a bath time AND a minute to myself before I fall asleep. ( And hopefully not all simultaneously - although I have been known to do just that.)

What's in store for these characters tomorrow?  Who knows? This writer is on strike for now.